Let your child cry

How to write a profound leisure column

Pick a topic. Food, kids, love are usually the most favorite topics. For food you need some skill. So let’s leave that. Love or kids is the easiest to write about. But before writing you should become popular. How does one become popular?

Rule 1:

Get onto social media and socialize. Socialize means comment on popular peoples tweets/ FB posts etc. There is a catch here. You should look at popular people, but not go for extremely popular people. For instance you cannot reply to a Narendra Modi’s tweet or Shashi Tharoor’s tweet. Stay away from politicians on twitter. Depending on the direction the wind flows you might be called a Sanghi or a sickular person and your reputation is doomed. But still if you have itchy fingers and write about politics you should portray yourself as neutral. For every anti congress tweet, you should post an anti BJP tweet. Vice versa. If you know to utilize the words ‘What about’ you are a neutral person.

Rule 2:

Act cool. There are multiple ways of acting cool. You can spend entire morning sealing the plastic covers with rubber band. But if you say that publicly you will be termed a loser. Instead say ‘What better way to spend a Saturday morning than with your favorite band?’. Also acting cool is liberal usage of Apple products, alcohol and frequent usage of terms from episodes of Games of Throne, House of cards etc. And by chance if you have little bit history knowledge utilize it. If you directly say Nandini from Ponniyin Selvan had excellent characterization no dog will turn your side. But if you say ‘I see lots of similarities between Nandini and Khaleesi’ you have a winner.

Rule 3:

Language. You should know to use words at right time, which no one has heard about. Don’t try too hard. Usually British newspapers have written about everything on earth. For instance if you wish to write about Sridevi just a simple google search of ‘Sridevi Guardian UK’ will land you articles like this http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2012/oct/04/english-vinglish-review from where you can pick terms like repudiation of homophobia and use it. But be careful what it means before using it.

Rule 4:

You should be an art lover. It’s very easy to show off that you are an art lover. There are million poets in twitter. Retweet some poems. And sometimes try to be a poet. A tweet like ‘Rain or shine a crow never drinks wine’ will take you places. Happily retweet other poets tweets. Randomly post tweets like ‘Chitra kala parishath has special paintings of kollangudi karuppayi. Anyone going today?’. Post such tweets on a day when India is playing Pakistan or say CSK vs MI so that accidentally also no one will say ‘Me too’.

Rule 5:

Tweetups. Attend as many tweetups as possible. You can also come up with innovative tweetup ideas like ‘porai biscuit for anyone who helps me do my dishes.’

Rule 6:

Liberally do combination of above for close to 2 months. And once you are followed by atleast one posh tweeter, start sending DM appreciating their tweet or some work. But don’t overdo it as it might be considered as stalking. Take their suggestions for the first article you are going to write and remember to mention their name and give lots of credit. This will ensure they retweet your article. From then on its up to you to become popular in the social circle.

Now that you have become a cool person write a leisure column. Take a profound theme but give a shock title. Like ‘Let your child cry’. Huh? Yes exactly. Start with a crazy paragraph. When it rained I walked slowly not because I wanted to get wet, but because it can hide my tears. And later transform it to your theme. You can say the first thing we do in this world is cry but once we start growing up parents panic when the child cries. You should argue that you are depriving your child of something which it did when it came to this world. Crying is an important tool the child can use when it grows up and how when we cross through the rocky path of life there will be lots of scars and tears are the lubricant that keeps you going. Please don’t argue that single malt is a much more effective lubricant. That is the advice meant for adults column and this is for kids. End with a flourish on ‘Next time it rains go out with your family and cry your heart out. Let the child within you out’. Trust me. A million people will retweet and endorse you without even reading the article. And you get popular.

Singam 2 review

Last week I had the misfortune of watching Singam 2. Rather than calling it a review I have decided to call it as an experience

Story: 5E.

People who are from Chennai might have heard of the bus 5E. The unique nature of this bus is that after it leaves Vadapalani for the next 1 to 1.5 hours it will always be in KK Nagar. Even jangri’s and jilebi’s will have less spin than this bus route. Singam 2 story is like that. At any given point movie is at same place. Surya will be shouting and fighting.

Screenplay and acting: hey, Hey, HEY, HEYYY!
I initially thought I will split this but since surya’s acting is tightly interwoven with the screenplay, I could not separate it out. Hari is very intelligent. He has got various emotions out of Surya with just one word ‘hey’

Surya doing romance: Imagine you are lifting a heavy sofa along with your spouse or relative. How do you say ‘hey’ at that time. Very softly right? That voice modulation is to show Surya is romantic.

Surya mildly annoyed: Imagine eating pani puri. Just when you have broken the puri, poured the special liquid after stuffing the puri and are about to consume it, the entire puri crumbles. Imagine how annoyed and frustrated you will be. Try saying Hey at that time.

Surya very annoyed: The worst thing traveling by bus for an overnight journey is the lack of toilet options. Imagine you waking up with a full bladder just after the bus has completed its scheduled stop and is rejoining the highway from the roadside dhaba. HEY. Yes exactly. Not everyone will be like panchathanthiram jayaram to say ‘enakku innum aagalai’.

Surya completely annoyed: Imagine you booking a ticket for a good movie but by mistake the movie operator plays bharathira

Medhai – Review

Statutory warning:

This movie has been reviewed by experts who have watched multiple Ramarajan, Krodham Prem, Captain, TR movies in the past. Please do not try to watch this movie without expert guidance, and professional training.

2002 was when Ramarajan’s last movie got released. By 2002 blogs were not that popular, and when blogs were popular there were no Ramarajan movies to review. Think of the plight of a Ramarajan fan who has his review ready, but there is no movie to review. But before getting into the movie review, let me answer the question asked by many people right from Baba Ramdev to the local CD guy who asked me ‘Enna bossu Ramarajan DVD ellam kekkareenga’ on why someone should watch a Ramarajan movie.
Continue reading “Medhai – Review”

Lock kiya jaye?

It seems KBC guys are asking for a suggestion for the tamil version of ‘lock kiya jaye’

My suggestions

1. Thattidalaama sir?
2. Poaturalaama madam?
3. Can I amukks?
4. Vikram movie Janagaraj style ‘kitta vaayyaaaa’. lock button ‘kitta vaayyaaaa’.
5. lock aa simha narasimha current saakaa?
6. veetla sollitu vandhuteengala?
7. enakkoru unmai therinjaaganum. lock panlaama venaama?
8. Gandha kannazhagi, aa left la konjam poosu. right la konjam poosu. lock button amukks

Vikatan calendar

This year we are using the Sakthi Vikatan tamil calendar. One thing that caught my attention today was in addition to all details on stars, thithi etc there was an addition line ‘Aval vikatan pudhiya idhazh indru kidaikkum’.

Romba mukkiyam!

Why supporting Anna Hazare is a bad idea?

Alright. This is my opinion. If you are a die hard fan of Anna, you can save the time by not reading this and instead light a candle.

1. The current government is elected by us. Now who elected Anna? What makes everyone think he can decide on civil society? Who appointed Anna as the sole custodian of civil society?
2. Why would someone so serious against corruption, plan for a 30 day fast? Will fasting for 30 days resolve corruption? Why not for 1 day? Or 300 days? And if you look at all his activities, they are perfectly suited for 247 news channels. Barkha Dutt talking about anti corruption is the biggest joke of the decade.
3. Basic assumption of Anna is that 542 parliamentarians are corrupt whereas every single Indian is pure and believes everything that is white is milk. This is a totally flawed logic to build your anti corruption campaign on.
4. Who does Anna report to? Who will review what he does? Do public get a chance to review his work?
5. A Raja, a former minister, Kanimozhi daughter of a powerful man, Kalmadi yet another powerful man. All of them are in Jail. JJ is facing a hearing in Bangalore shortly for a case against her. Yeddy has stepped down and he is going to be questioned now. Except for Gandhi family, which corrupt politician has escaped the clutches of law? Now what will Lokpal achieve?
6. Will it not set a wrong precedent? Tomorrow can all service providers protest for a paypal bill and take the country by ransom?
7. I see people telling TV cameras that they have bunked work or college or school to support Anna. Integrity anyone? Do you trust such people to come up with anything useful?


8. Baba Ramdev also protested against corruption right? So what special qualities or superpowers Anna has over Baba?

Anna has planned really well to get a nobel prize or some award and get his name etched on history books for ever. Well played.

Airtel MNP problems

Recently I submitted a request to Airtel to port my number from Airtel to BSNL. After 4 days I got a message from BSNL saying that my request was rejected by Airtel due to legal reasons. When I called the help desk at 121 they said since my balance was negative they rejected the porting request.

1. When I Submitted porting request my balance was 10 Rs.
2. No call was made nor was any message sent. How did I get into negative balance then?

After lots of talking the call centre guy finally conceded that the 10 Rs debit was wrong and agreed to refund it. They did refund the money immediately. But now I have to resubmit the porting request, wait for 72 hours. Luckily this was my spare mobile and I am ready to wait till eternity till Airtel gets fed up and allows by porting request. But how many will? Is this Airtel’s way of getting back at customers who want to move away from them? If this is not cheating, then what is?

I am waiting for the day I can get rid of Airtel.


I am interested in events, where breakfast comprises of mallipoo idli, chutney, dosai, pongal, vadai ,kesari and filter kaapi. Followed by a juice say an hour later, and then lunch comprising of paruppu usili couple of hours later.

Am not interested in iPad, iPhone, 3G, 4G, 12G(KK Nagar to Anna Square) events. Thank you!

Naxalite Express – Bangalore to Chennai

I think Indian Railways can rename the Bangalore Chennai Shatabdi express to Naxalite express. Reasons:

1. No care about safety.
2. Civilian safety at risk.

I would advice anyone not to travel by this train. The condition of the coaches are worser than any mode of transport one can imagine. Worst part is they charge more than the mysore shatabdi which has far better coaches.

Maybe Arundhati Roy can flag off the train once it is renamed as Naxal express.