Breaking news: In yet another celebrity detention, tamil actor Mayilsamy was detained in Renigunta station. Andhra and TN CM to open statues in respective states!

Mayilsamy has confirmed to ‘Machi TV’ that he was indeed detained at Reningunta station. Mayilsamy said I even tried telling the railway police officials that ‘Enakku Mamtava theriyum’. But unfortunately they had seen the telugu dubbing of that Vivek movie and asked me back with trademark telugu tamil of ‘Aamava?’ followed by ‘Avangalukku unna theriyuma?’.

Mayil said he was detained because he had a common name and if I could mention the reason why I was in Renigunta. I could not convince them that since I did not get a direct ticket to Tirupati in Saptagiri express I had to travel unreserved in Mumbai express, get down at Renigunta and catch a bus to Tirupati. In fact there were some I-know-tamil-I-know-telugu guys from chitoor in the interrogation room who could vouch for me.

Mayilsamy said he was taken to a different room where other unreserved passengers were waiting. I tried sending messages to Sun Music, Isaiaruvi etc. It took me almost 2 hours. Later Mr Mayil said he was released after someone had a thiruttu VCD of the movie Dhool and the police officials watched it. Mayil also said ‘I am fine with this as am popular. I really felt bad for other unreserved passengers who were being checked for this independence day security.’ I do not understand why they should check actors?

Throughout the chat with Machi, Mayil was his usual self and did mimicry like YSR, Naidu etc and never lost his sense of humor. When we asked him if he could manage to get laddu from Tirupati, he said ‘I have Jilebi’ if you want.

Union Minister Ambika Soni was furious at this incident and said that all Tamilnadu policemen should detain telugu comedians. Since this issue could snowball into something major, TN CM Dr MK and Andhra CM Dr YSR met to resolve this issue. Late reports suggest that it has been decided to open a statue of Mayilsamy in Ongole and of Telugu comedian Brahmanandam in Vathalagundu to improve the relationship between the two states. Hindu Ram is getting ready with a boring 7 paragraph editorial on how this is going to be useful.

1. Father of Ramar pillai(Petrol fame) is Lord Ram. Make Ramar Pillai give a written statement that his father was always for the sethusamudram project and there is absolutely no problem to go ahead with sethusamudram project.

2. Bring some scientist and say originally india and srilanka were separated at a place, which is called as guindy now. And due to some earth quake, the upper portion of sri lanka got joined with Guindy, and the middle part of srilanka remained there. So the original bridge is the bridge that T R Baalu is constructing (partly operational) in Guindy. And also give live examples that the bridge has been wonderfully designed to send lots of people directly to heaven. What other proof does one need?

3. Since Lord Venkateswara opened a new bank account, and forgot to make changes in the ECS instructions the cheque presented by Kuberan bounced. So he got angry, confiscated the bridge and has taken it along with him to Heaven and it is kept safely there. Once the loan tenure is over the bridge will be returned. As everyone knows this is a never ending loan, there is no need to worry about drilling that area. Hence, the project can proceed.

4. Ram is not Hindu. Hindu is a newspaper, and not a religion. The only connection between Hindu and Ram is that, his namesake N Ram is the editor of ‘The Hindu’. Apart from that there is no other connection. So how can a newspaper which is in vogue for 100+ years only, construct a bridge which is supposed to be 1000+ years old?

For the second consecutive week, the collective attention of the nation is on central europe. Last week it was the Nuclear deal and this week we have this matter topic. Though much of the action is happening at the Swiss-French border, the whole of India is eagerly following the events.

Senior statesman and Tamilnadu chief minister Dr. M. Karunanidhi has written a letter in pure tamil to the Swiss and French scientists wishing them success. In his letter, Dr Karunanidhi mentioned that Anna and Periyar appeared on his dreams last night and wanted MK to convey the wishes on behalf of all Tamilians.

Union Minister for shipping and transport, Mr T R Baaalooooooooooooo has requested the scientists to conduct the next experiment on Ram Sethu and not somewhere in europe.

Congress Spokesperson Jayanthi Natarajan (Is she not a doctor yet?) appeared on CNN-IBN and mentioned that the whole world should appreciate the fact that this particle acceleration is happening when congress is ruled by the high command consisting of Dr Mrs Gandhi, and Narendra Modi should accept defeat and resign from his chief minister post. Appearing on a debate ‘Does it really matter?’, conducted by Sagarika Ghose a visibly fired up Ms Natarajan mentioned these points. Ms Sagarika from CNN-IBN rightly intervened whenever BJP Spokesman Ravishankar Prasad offered to make a point, and concluded the debate by saying ‘India is a secular state in which Singh is King and the Hindutva forces must do some self introspection’.

Tamilnadu Film association president Ramanarayanan mentioned that the entire Tamil film industry will fast for a day, till Karnataka releases cauvery water. But when the reporters pointed out to him that this was a ‘matter’ topic and not related to Cauvery Mr Ramanarayanan quickly changed his stance and requested the Tamilnadu CM to grant special sops for tamil ‘matter’ movie makers. He said that Tamil matter industry is facing stiff competition from Kerala, and the CM needs to do something. Dr MK, who was presiding over the 100th day celebration of Vidyodaya school drama ‘Miss. Ava en pencila thirudittaa’ immediately announced that he will start writing story for a movie called ‘Matter Maanickam’. When someone mentioned that ‘Matter’ was not a tamil word, he immediately changed the title of the movie to ‘Vaazhapazathula oosi’ and was confident that this movies collection will beat the records set by his sleepbuster movie ‘uLiyin osai’. Matter king SJ Surya will be donning the lead role for this movie, and Namitha would be his partner.

Ex CM, Dr JJ mentioned that due to frequent power cuts Tamilians are not able to watch matter and the minority DMK government must resign owing moral responsibility. She also added that, AIADMK will organise state wide protests while she will oversee these protests from her Kodanandu estate.

DMDK chief Captain Vijayakanth said that if his party comes to power, he will distribute free torch light to every tamilian as it will be very dark inside the black hole (There are fears that this particle acceleration experiment might create a black hole and destroy the world). He also sarcastically remarked that due to frequent power cuts, Tamilnadu is already in a black hole and people must support DMDK in future as an alternate to DMK and AIADMK.

Thank you Nithya

If anyone wants to know how to scold someone using Madras tamil, please mention the name Bucknor to any tamilian who follows cricket

Om shanti shanti shanti!

Machi TV is coming up with its own unique dance competition called as ‘oororam puLiyamaram’. In this competition all the animals that have acted in tamil movies will be participating. There will be no demarcation based on age or sex of the animal. This is to facilitate the entries of some elephants who have acted in Devar films. Ramanarayanan and Baby shamili(Well not a baby anymore) will be the judges for this program.

This unique program contains the following rounds like ‘Aadra Rama’, ‘Anne anne nagaraj anne’ and a sizzling ‘raakozhi reNdu mizhichirukku’ round.

Devotional Program
Ours is a secular channel. If we are secular then it means we are anti-hindu. So in devotional program, we will show the statues of Anna and Periyar, and the songs sung in praise of them. Special days like their birth/death days will be covered live where the dravidian poojaris will perform poojas for Anna, Periyar and all. No one can question us saying is this type of idol worship alone right? We will ask you for scientific proof about hindu brahmin gods. And we do not have guts to ask for scientific proof when it comes to Amman, Ayyanar, Muneeswaran or for that matter god from other religions.

News
Since our political party(DPDK) is not in power, and we do not know what the future holds, our views will be neutral. A sample news.
Politics
1. Chief minister announces that by 3020, every farmer will be given a Ferrari.
2. Alliance partner opposes this saying Ferrari is a foreign company, and what will happen to local manufacturers. And call for a hunger strike
3. Chief minister will clarify saying they meant Ferrari sticker made in thindivanam and not a car. Alliance partner will
be happy and shower the chief minister with praises.
4. Opposition party leader will say ‘Stickers lead to global warming. CM should own responsibility for this and resign’.

This is not all. As and when other channels come up with stupid programs, we will copy them shamelessly, rename it and then launch it.

Rediff has a very funny section called ‘Spotted‘, where in readers send photographs of celebrities. Like some lady ‘Sweetie(!!)’ spotted Sushmita Sen buying Bedsheets(Duh!), and came to a conclusion that ‘Sushmita is very simple and elegant’. Ahem! Not to be left behind, we will also spot imaginary things. And since this is a niche area, we are coming up with an all new program called ‘Machinichi flash’.

1. Blade Pakkiri in a barber shop.
Reader Sundaresan spotted Blade Pakkiri in a barber shop in chennai. Mr Pakkiri was one of the extras in the blockbuster ‘Veerasamy’. When Vijaya T.Rajendar shouts ‘Daiiiii’ many people will flee from the scene. And one of them will fall down. Pakkiri plays the character of the guy who falls for..err..who falls down. Sundaresan said ‘Mr Pakkiri was very calm and composed. Even when the barber brought the blade close to his neck, Mr Pakkiri was unperturbed. Whilst leaving the barber shop, Mr Pakkiri gifted a kai naatufied(Thumb impression equivalent of autograph) blade to an elated Sundaresan.

2. Shankar in Thiruttu(Pirated) CD shop.
Reader Thygarajan runs a Thiruttu CD shop in CMH Road, Indira Nagar, Bangalore. Thyagarajan says ‘Shankar is planning to release his next movie in a Thiruttu CD. So he wanted to know how the market works’. A very thrilled Thyagu gifted the Thiruttu CD’s of all Shankar movies, so that he can reuse them in his next movie. It seems Shankar has promised Thyagu, that he will be given due credits.

3. Sneha in Hardware shop
Reader Aparna least expected that she will run into Actor Sneha, that too in a hardware shop in R.A.Puram chennai. It seems Sneha had come there to buy some paint for her house. When Aparna asked her ‘Why did you come to buy the paint, and not send someone else?’ Ms Sneha replied saying ‘I want to buy paint that matches my teeth color’ and gave her trademark smile. Aparna was bowled over by Sneha’s simplicity. Its not all. Sneha also shared a beauty secret. It seems she takes bath first in turpentine and then using normal soap. Aparna was extremely thrilled and said ‘I will call Sun Music ladies choice and share this tip with Hema Sinha, and ask her to dedicate a song to Sneha’.

4. Rajdeep Sardesai in rest room.
Chinese Indian, Mr Choo choo met Breaking-News fame Rajdeep Sardesai in the restroom. Mr Choo choo said that Rajdeep was very simple, as he went ahead with the tasks all by himself and was extremely focused. Mr Choo choo also mentioned that Rajdeep was a very clean guy as he washed his hands at the end. And when Mr choo choo dropped down his mobile accidentally, Mr Rajdeep was quite upset. He advised Choo choo that these days one needs to be extremely careful with their personal belongings, especially mobiles. By the time Choo choo came out, CNN-IBN reporters were waiting to interview him. It seems that was the top news of the day ‘Has your mobile phone broken down, when it fell down?’.

5. Kannan meets Visu.
Reader Kannan, a puncture mechanic met Mr Visu recently. Visu’s Tvs Scooty pep had a puncture and he had to visit the mechanic shop. Kannan was extremely happy that he got to meet a celebrity. He says ‘Mr Visu is society conscious. He asked me “Bike kku puncture ottara oru mechanic velila pogacha avar bike puncture aana, avar endha bike kku puncture ottara mechanic kitta poi thannoda bike puncture seri pannuvaar. Solluda kaNNa”‘.

News of FIFA football player of the year Cristiano Ronaldo kissing Bipasha Basu, during the seven wonders ceremony, has kicked off a controversy in India.

AIADMK Chief has condemned this incident. In a statement issued in Chennai, Ms Jayalalitha said ‘In Karunanidhi’s regime there is no safety for Bengali Women in Portugal. Karunanidhi should owe moral responsibility and resign. We have referred this to the third umpires association, and have invited them to join our third front’.

PMK chief Dr Ramdoss has expressed his displeasure over the incident and said ‘Kissing is against our culture. To highlight the disadvantage of kissing, PMK is starting a new movement called as ‘Chee echee’, and it will be flagged off by Dr Anbumani Ramdoss’.

Not everyone has objected to this issue. Sharad Pawar, Union Agricultural Minister and head of BCCI has said that this will improve the bilateral relationship between India and Portugal. Top BCCI officials will visit Lisbon, Portugal and help promote cricket in that country. And talks are on for some leading Portugal actress to kiss ex-ranji cricketer Diwakar Vasu, similar to Ronaldo kissing Bipasha Basu.

Meanwhile in an interesting development, Clinic Plus has jumped in support of Ms Basu. As you all are aware, Ms Basu is a brand ambassador for Clinic Plus. In a statement issued to the press, the company says ‘This is part of an advertisement campaign for clinic plus. Cristiano Ronaldo is closely observing the hair of Ms Basu to check if there are any split ends or dandruff. Since the pub where they met was pretty dark, Mr Ronaldo had to come that close to observe. We hereby request the media not to blow this issue out of proportion’.

CNN-IBN is running a special program on ‘Is media hype on kiss and sleaze affecting the younger generation?’ As a part of this program, they are featuring around 100 kissing scenes in real life.