Prabhu n Ferrari

Pre requisite: You must be well versed with Tambram (Not Tambaram) wedding customs.
Inspiration for this post –> This post by Krish Ashok

When you say Robot, people in my age group would remember the DD Serial ‘Giant Robot’. Later we even had a Tamil serial on Robots. Who can forget one finger Krishna rao, posing as a Robot? I am not sure if that serial (Amlu?) was for introducing the concept of Robots to Tamilians, or for introducing the safety measures one has to adhere to whilst handling LPG cylinders. The only thing I remember from that serial is ‘One finger’ dying after eating (?) a LPG cylinder. After that it has been a long wait. I absolutely have no idea when Shankar’s Robot is going to be released, or what it is going to contain, but here are my (Rather Machi group of Companies) plans for the future. For certain things we will use robots, and for certain things there will be special devices.

If you observe, the most important thing in any Tambram festival is the ‘Madi’ factor. But involving many human beings dilutes the madi factor. To avoid that, we are planning to introduce a series of Madi robots to keep the culture and customs intact. Robots don’t wear any clothes, so there is nothing to worry about their Madiness. Secondly, Robots don’t eat food and there is no ‘Paththu’ factor.
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It is that time of the year, where you get to receive loads of emails with messages on why you should love and all sorts of stuff. Where do such emails originate? What goes behind the scenes? Machi TV caught up with Mr Matter Mahadevan, who is an expert in sending such mails. Matter teaches us how to go about it.
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Competition in Tamil channel is high. So Machi TV cannot be relying on breaking news alone. So we have come up with some new programs to entertain the audience. Here we showcase some of the unique programs.
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This is TV season after all. So we, the machi TV group, are coming up with some innovative ideas to forge ahead. Here is a sample.

Rediff has a very funny section called ‘Spotted‘, where in readers send photographs of celebrities. Like some lady ‘Sweetie(!!)’ spotted Sushmita Sen buying Bedsheets(Duh!), and came to a conclusion that ‘Sushmita is very simple and elegant’. Ahem! Not to be left behind, we will also spot imaginary things. And since this is a niche area, we are coming up with an all new program called ‘Machinichi flash’.
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In a surprise move, BCCI has appointed ‘Bappar Maari’ as the coach for Team India. Mr Marimuthu, started his career as a chemistry lab attendant in DG Vaishnav College, Arumbakkam, Chennai. And he used to be in charge of preparing and distributing the buffer material for chemistry experiments. Since he used to pronounce buffer as bappar, students of DGVC fondly called him as Bappar Maari.
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Machi Flash:

Right after the confusion of BCCI teams kit, ICC has ordered that players who represent BCCI, Pakistan, SriLanka and Bangladesh to shave their heads, moustaches and beards completely.

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Machi Flash:

Lord Ganesha runs away from the make-shift temple and drowns himself.

In a very strange incident Lord Ganesha (known as puLLayar among tamil girls), who was kept in a makeshift pandal at Madivala, Bangalore disappeared yesterday evening. Later the statue was found half drowned at Madivala tank. The committee organizers said that, Ganesha was highly uncomfortable right after the day of Vinayaga chaturthi when they started film music at the MST(MakeShiftTemple). MST organizers said, initially Lord Ganesha was amused when they played Michael Jackson’s ‘they don’t care about us’ song. They felt that Ganesha was conveying this message to all his followers, telling that Dravidar Kazhagam don’t care about us.

Later,it seems, the amusement expression turned to agony, when people started playing songs like ‘raakama kaiya thattu’, ‘kaadhal enbadha kaamam enbadha’. But then Lord Ganesha started shedding tears. Looking at the tears, crowds flocked to see him. And MST organizers played to the crowd saying ‘See, if we play Tamil item numbers Lord Ganesha cries’.

Yesterday was the D-day. After 2 weeks of this musical Ganpati festival, lord ganesha disappeared suddenly. MST organizers said the last song they played was ‘Dai. Kaiya vachikittu summa iruda’. The moment they played this song, Lord Ganesha disappeared. Moment this news spread, heavy security was deployed at other temples so that other Ganpatis doesn’t disappear and drown on their own. This is the story of south east Bangalore right now.

Machi Flash!

Famous journalist Cho.S.Ramaswamy will be on house arrest tomorrow between 9 and 10 P.M. IST, since actor Surya is appearing on sun music at that time. Last time when Surya had appeared on television, Mr Cho was walking on the road and he heard lots of screams ‘Cho chweet’. Poor Mr.Cho felt everyone called him to have some sweets. And he was utterly disappointed. To avoid this depression, Mrs Cho had requested the chennai police to keep him on house arrest during this program.

In a separate press release, Chennai police have requested all citizens to remain indoors, since heavy flood is expected at young girls staying areas of Tamilnadu tomorrow between 9 and 10 PM. The city commisioner also said that, ample protection will be provided to all the electric and cable lines in chennai tomorrow. He said this after Surya fan association head Ms Jollu maala had received a threat from uLLoor vaitherichal ghoshti, that all cable lines in girls staying areas will be cut!

Machi Flash:

Angry men create noisy scenes in front of RmKV. Our readers might be aware of the fact, that RmKV has come up with a new reversible sari, which can be worn in four ways and which looks different whichever way it’s worn. After that 56000 color silk sari, this is the latest innovation in saris. Angry men said that, RmKv has once again insulted the menfolk by not introducing anything for them, and had also copied their unique design. When asked Mr. Mayandi, president of LAI(Lungi Association of India, torn chapter) said ‘RmKV’ is time and again venturing into our private space. First, they copied the unique Lungi design and came up with the 56000 color saree. Now they are reusing the concept of reversibility from Lungis. And in return no credit has been given.

RmKv immediately diffused the tension, by announcing their decision of starting a new wing called ’kaileeChee’. Initially the name chosen was ‘lungiChee’ but then since Lungi is not a pure tamil name, they replaced Lungi with Kailee. It seems ‘kaileeChee’ will produce superman kailee’s that come with an inbuilt underwear, since there is a technical flaw in the basic design of kailee, to accommodate superman type underwear’s. And in a marketing masterstroke Bret Lee has been roped into model for this kailee. Very soon, chennai billboards will see Bret Lee in kailee.

In a separate development, all political parties in TamilNadu welcomed the decision of RmkV. In a separate letter, PMK president Dr Ramdoss hailed that all textile companies in TamilNadu should be in tune with core values of Tamil. He cited the example and mentioned that ‘Veshti’ is not a tamil word and it can never be a tamilian dress. Whereas Kailee is a hardcore tamil word. He said, he has requested the TN CM to announce a scheme of ‘free green belt’ to all those people, for whom kailee slips below the waist line. And he said PMK has come up with a special award for Mr Mayandi who has been fighting for this cause. Thamizhkudithaangi Dr Ramdoss said that the award will be known as ‘kailee-iduppula-thaangi’. He has requested Mayandi to rename LAI as KAI(Kailee Association of India).

Update: There will be a special Dappaankuthu program, commemorating launch of Superman Kailee

In case you didn’t know, Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna is declared a superhit in chennai. Sify says, the first week opening is bigger than that of Chandramukhi.

The big news in kollywood is that, fresh after the success of ‘Something Something‘ creative director ‘Raja‘ is planning to remake ‘KANK’ in tamil. Saravana Stores is producing the movie, since they see a lot of advertisement potential. It seems they wanted to name the movie as ‘deepavaLikku thuNi eduthu thachaacha?’. But after our CM felt that deepavaLi is not a tamil festival, they have renamed the movie to ‘pongal kku pudhu thuNi aa?‘. Subsequently, the movie is expected to be released by Jan 2007 at matterplex theatres like Parangimalai Jyothi, Avadi Kumaran etc.

When asked creative director Raja said that ‘This is not a scene by scene remake of the hindi movie. Its just a frame by frame remake. And we are modifying it to suit the tamil culture and values. We try to show adultery for the entire duration of the movie, and in the end say how adultery is bad for tamil culture’.

Sabesh Murali are composing the music for the movie. They are at Ghana, right now. When asked, they explained the fact tamil audience like a lot of gaana songs. But no one has heard Ghana songs, which they feel is mindblowing.

Jobless sources say that K Balachandar was initially contacted for this movie. But he refused saying he doesnt handle straight forward movies like ‘KANK’ and wanted to add a twist of 1st hero falling in love with 2nd heroines fathers 1st wifes 3rd daughter, who happens to be his servant maid’s sister in law. Considering the fact that there are lots of bald men in tamilnadu, this concept wouldn’t work out since they wont have anything to tear apart. Hence he opted out of the project.

Futher details awaited.. Stay tuned Machi!

By now all of you must be familiar with the Mole episode. To quote rediff

‘A civil servant in a high position in the Prime Minister’s Office during the P V Narasimha Rao government had leaked information about India’s nuclear programme to the US, former external affairs minister Jaswant Singh disclosed on Tuesday. Without naming the person, he said the ‘mole’ had given information about India’s ‘nuclear programme and nuclear intent’ to the US. ‘

Machi Flash:

A recent survey said that this mole created more curiosity than the mole on Mallika Sherawat’s face, closer to her lips (Discovered by Emran Hashmi in the year 2003). In a bizzarre turn of events, this mole episode has created major problems in the house of prime minister. It seems that Mrs PM, demanded an explanation from PM on how Mr Jaswant knew about a mole, that too on Manmohans body. To clarify the misunderstanding, Manmohan Singh wrote a letter to Jaswant Singh and dared him to name the mole!

Mr Jaswant shot back a letter to the PM saying that there was a misunderstanding in this issue. It seems Mr Jaswant singh had a malayali assistant. And when Mr Jaswant was recording the details of his book, his malayali assistant was talking to his daughter and referring to her as ‘enda moaLu’. In case you didnt know moaLu in malayalam means daughter. And this moaLu mole confusion resulted in the controversial section of the book. The former external affairs minister, expressed regret having caused problems in the internal affairs of the prime minister and said he will clarify the situation in Rajya Sabha, to clear the air.

In another significant development, the former assistant of Mr Jaswant Singh has requested the newspapers of india to refrain from bothering his daughter. It seems once the news of the ‘moaLu’ leaked out, the media wanted to know if the moaLu had any mole on her body. Meanwhile the readers editor of ‘The Hindu’ has written an article on what a mole actually means with some references to various english dictionaries!

They never fails to amaze me. Not just them, the entire media has gone crazy over Salman Khan getting jailed. Worse, they are looking at 400 crore loss for cine industry, and celebrities getting targeted crap!

Fine! As always Machi TV, the futuristic TV comes up with some flash news

Headline: Bring the Tiger to court
A group of intellectual bloggers and journalists, have formed a movement ‘Bring Tiger to Court’. When asked they said ‘Salman killed only 10 deers in his entire life time. Whereas a tiger kills one deer per day. When that is the case, none of the people have arrested any tiger, or for that matter even a jackal. In what way animals are superior than Salman Khan?’. The group was seen agitating in front of Corbett wildlife sanctuary. But the moment they heard a tiger growl, they ran for safety!

Headline: Salman creates a furore
Due to the hot summer, Salman Khan felt very thirsty. He asked the jail superintendent for Ice. But some jail inmates overheard this as Aish. Immediately it raised a furore. Other prisoners started demanding for Mallika Sherawat, Kareena Kapoor etc. Mr Sharma a senior prisoner in the Jodhpur jail, serving a life term quipped ‘If Salman who is just a 5 year prisoner can ask for Aish, then being a life term prisoner I have all the rights to ask for Sharon Stone or Nicole Kidman’. Then Salman calmed everyone down by mentioning that he asked for ice and not Aish.

Headline: Salman Khan is a good human being.
Though there are many mosquitoes in the jail, he didn’t ask for good-night, all out or any other mosquito repellant. Instead, he asked for the odomos cream. When asked, Salman’s brother said ‘Right from childhood, Salman doesn’t like harming or injuring other living things. Let it be a mosquito or a dinosaur(?)’. Sad that he is in jail

Headline: Shahrukh to teach Salman on how to take bath
It seems Salman Khan, right from his childhood had the habit of taking bath in the bath tub. He didn’t know how to take bath under the well, or inside a bathroom with help of buckets and mug. Senior Magistrate rejected a special petition from Shahrukh the bathing expert, when he requested to visit the jail everyday for 1 hour to bathe Salman. But a friend in need is a friend in deed. Shahrukh Khan took bath under the well, with help of bucket, mug and rose petals. And the soaps were sponsored by Lux. This was shot on a mobile camera by Katrina Kaif, who promised to show the same to Salman. Not just that. Shahrukh has gifted Salman 35 lux soaps and 10 kgs of rose petals. With the help of this, Salman is learning to take bath without a bathtub

Headline: Salman sprains his ankle
Before the police arrested him, Salman wanted to cut his nails. And he even requested them for the same. Unfortunately they denied and locked him up. Being a cleanly person, Salman bit the nails on his hand. And he failed when he tried peeling off the nails on his toe. So, he tried to bite them too. Unfortunately he developed a sprain on his back. He was taken to another cell, where a masseur was held captive.