Pre requisite: You must be well versed with Tambram (Not Tambaram) wedding customs.
Inspiration for this post –> This post by Krish Ashok πŸ™‚

When you say Robot, people in my age group would remember the DD Serial ‘Giant Robot’. Later we even had a Tamil serial on Robots. Who can forget one finger Krishna rao, posing as a Robot? I am not sure if that serial (Amlu?) was for introducing the concept of Robots to Tamilians, or for introducing the safety measures one has to adhere to whilst handling LPG cylinders. The only thing I remember from that serial is ‘One finger’ dying after eating (?) a LPG cylinder. After that it has been a long wait. I absolutely have no idea when Shankar’s Robot is going to be released, or what it is going to contain, but here are my (Rather Machi group of Companies) plans for the future. For certain things we will use robots, and for certain things there will be special devices.

If you observe, the most important thing in any Tambram festival is the ‘Madi’ factor. But involving many human beings dilutes the madi factor. To avoid that, we are planning to introduce a series of Madi robots to keep the culture and customs intact. Robots don’t wear any clothes, so there is nothing to worry about their Madiness. Secondly, Robots don’t eat food and there is no ‘Paththu’ factor.

Panneer Robot (This Robot will sing the Gowri Kalyana vaibogame song)
Silk sari might look good on women, but they definitely don’t smell good. Imagine around 100 silk saree clad women, that too in Chennai. Panneer Robot will target women and spray extra panneer on them. And it will not be just one time. They will have wheels, and as a result they are mobile. They will monitor the wedding hall and once in 30 minutes all ladies will be subject to panneer abhishekam.

Kasi Yathrai Scooter (This scooter will sing the paalale kaal alambi song)
Invariably most of the wedding halls are in main roads, and the dust bins are quite close to the main entrance. As a result lots of stray dogs roam freely near the wedding hall entrance. They are not distinctly visible, but a pair of observant eyes cannot miss them. Not many people realize the potential risk, the bridegroom is subject to when he walks half naked with an umbrella in hand. Actually you will rarely find bridegrooms laughing or smiling during Kasi Yathrai. Poor guy would have worn the panchakachcham just sometime back and his thought process will be like ‘Oh no. I hope it doesn’t fall down now’, ‘Why are people from the bus staring at me?’ etc. If you add the stray dog risk, then the poor guy will run away from the wedding hall or rather refuse for kasi yathrai. To avoid all this and also to make the guy smile, we plan to introduce a KY Scooter (No, not KR Vijaya Scooter). This Scooter will look like a wheelchair and will run in circles. All the guy needs to do is sit on it. The maapiLLai thozhan can stand behind like a dog sledge driver, hold the umbrella (There is an umbrella stand too) and operate it. So all the bride groom needs to do is smile, and he has additional advantage of lifting his legs if the stray dogs come closer. Last but not the least, this scooter will also have a leg washer (made in silk) attached. The bride’s dad can pour milk in the washer and operate the ‘milk aale kaal alambi silk aale leg thudaiththu’ routine. Sometimes people don’t check how warm the milk is before pouring it on the bridegroom’s leg. The KY scooter will have a temperature control in it so that there are no untoward incidents.

Maalai Maathinal Seesaw (This seesaw will sing the maalai maatRinaaL kodhai maalai maatRinaaL song, followed by the manmathanukku maalayittaaye song)
The bride will be placed on one end of the seesaw and bridegroom on other hand. To keep the tradition intact, it can be operated on either side by the uncles of the bride and groom. In this way we eliminate the risk of a poor 50+ year old man lifting the bride or groom. What if he drops them? Or by mistake messes their attire? The seesaw machine will be preprogrammed in a way that the bride eventually wins.

Kannoonjal Robot (This robot will sing the Kannoonjal aadi irundhaaL kanchanamalai song)
Oonjal ceremony is a risk for everyone who watches it. They have to keep a close watch on which direction the maamis hand is moving. Or else, before they release the rice ball will fall on their shirt/saree/head depending on the maami’s horse power. And there are chances of maamis getting upset with the order of ‘who throws first?’ sequence. To avoid all this, we have the Kannoonjal robot. It will have 60+ handles. All the maamis will have to do is just hold the handles, simulatenously. When the SasthrigaL presses the start button, the robot will throw color rice balls in different directions after the three-time-clockwise-rotation thing. At this time another robot will catch this color rice ball. The kids will be fascinated by this, and will not bother squeezing the bride and groom on the oonjal. be continued with items like elbow stand, madisar maker, naan-yaar-theriyaradha-protector,aarathiyer(Not Aarthi Iyer) etc in a separate post.

41 thoughts on “Robot

  1. Good Gracious ! Hilarious to the Core πŸ™‚ Ennoda officela ellarum enna oru madiri pakkaranga.. I should not have read it @ office..

    Sooper Idea for the Oonjal one..Eagerly waiting for the second post πŸ™‚

  2. 1. Surely you meant it to be Tambras kalyana vaibokam..

    2. your note on
    I am not sure why you are so against silk sari and that too in Chennai.. Wake up kid, that does indicate a culture of many years and it does look good & colorful & brings up life to an environment.
    lets say G appears in front of you and says i grant a boon to Prabhu, ” inimae kalyanthula ellarum jeans allathu chudidhar thaan poduvangannu”..
    you would not feel like you have attended a tambras kalyanam at all.

    3. i could not read this post after that.. shows your sense of humour is now declining.. robots and marriages – you had the potential to write better than this on this subject.. please do not bring further horror.

    4. after many days i thought i will visit your site, its disappointing / appalling

    Astala vista..

    and by the way Ramya Ramani — you really found this hilarious to the core ??

  3. Meera,
    Pretty soon!

    Thank you πŸ™‚

    Ouch! I am not against traditions. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I wouldnt mind if you pass a comment on my sense of humor, but I would like you to restrict that to only me and not anyone else. Thank you!

  4. oru chinna suggestion – instead of having multiple robots there could probably be just a couple, performing multiple operations… for example, there could be a single robot singing/airing multiple songs depending on the particular occasion… there could be a remote controller workstation which could just have all the audio tracks on a playlist… πŸ™‚

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  6. Nice πŸ™‚ And what about the Nalangu-Jukebox-Robot, that saves the bride and groom from having to sing a song. They could flip a “standard nalangu song” switch, select “gender” and lip-sync like the backstreet boys do at their concerts.

  7. Krish,
    I was thinking of a casino kind of gaming machine replacing Nalangu. And the winner will have to carry the luggage, pack, unpack etc during honeymoon instead of the normal nalangu prizes πŸ™‚

  8. I think those serials are “Johnny Shako and the Giant Robot” and En Iniya Endhira. My top priority is a work-bot:-

    Robo specs:-
    1. Wifi enabled – to read and reply to office mails with phrases – working on this issue, eta 1day, eta delayed by 2days, release in 3days.
    2. built-in iphone – to attend conf calls with onsite/offsite/graveyardsite, and interject with phrases “exactly, i second your opnion, i got it, lets wrap up, i concur”
    3. espresso machine – so that i dont walk cross many cabins just to get a cup of coffee
    4. installed productivity software like MS.word, MS. ppt, MS. excel – to shoot fancy docs like ppt and status reports ,which has no meanings, to the people requesting it.

    If it does the above, then I can start really working on what is needed the most.

  9. uff..Another boring post..Guess JustATravellingSoldier is rite..Ramya Ramani ku romba nala manasu..lighter sense or heavier does lack the humor sense..RR may be u ‘d die of laughing if u read KA’s blog

    PS: Krish Ashok post was gud indeed.

  10. I hope a robot (any robot, really!) would thwack you on the head hard enough … that you wouldn’t write such silly posts anymore!


    “Ennoda officela ellarum enna oru madiri pakkaranga”

    If you found this post hilarious, you definitely deserve to be looked upon like that! πŸ˜€

  11. cool πŸ™‚ I just can’t stop grinning. Esp, the oonjal robot was awesome! I’ve been subject to a number of attacks from the maamis’ hands and know that it requires a special skill to come out unscathed πŸ™‚ i can fully appreciate such a robot πŸ˜‰

  12. Hi Prabhu,

    Nice post …’kalakaringa’ …probably we should try it in ur wedding!!

    what about robot for vadhiyar mama ( and his side kick too)…so that it will not rush…and

    probably you can devlop this idea and write a novel like ‘washington -le kalyanam’ …name it ‘robo kalyanam’ he he


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  14. ooh..booooohhh!! u shud be from my company and we share same opinions..may be we can meet over a coffee ..what do u say?

  15. Anon,



    oru public IP la oru machine thaan iruka mudiyuma? Loosu. go read something on networking … while I go to coffee with anon πŸ˜›

  16. I still think anon and are boooo are the same
    or boooo is a bot invented by anon
    it shares the 100% myterious brain waves.

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  18. To Anonymous

    Even I was initially wondering what is Tambram for I know only Tambaram, then I thought was it taambalam but I know Ferrari does not make such I read I got to know what is Tambram. Tambram is Tamil brahmin.

    To Ferrari,

    The name “robot” triggered so much in your imaginative brain! ….u remembered Giant Robot, Banjo — things from
    the one-channerl era! I guess we will get to see those Robots in ur wedding…I also welcome Krish Ashok’s suggestion for a Nalangu robot πŸ™‚

    But seriously if such robots are sold, I am sure some NRI families would buy and brag about them [People would say “Robot vechu kalyaanam pannallame, avvalavu periya idamam…” / “Indha kaalathile ellame Modernthaan, washing machine, vacuum cleanernnu ippo Robot Marriage vandhaachu” and later these Robots wud become a craze and also a Status symbol!!?..and for promoting such idea all bride’s parents will start cursing poor Ferraari πŸ™‚

    Funny post once again..

  19. Hilarious !.

    The KY Scooter can be further modified to run a fan or motorized ‘Visiri’.

    Jam’s suggestions reminded me of my own wedding.

    Had to fight with my manager for my wedding leave and he
    was refusing on basis of not having asked their permission before getting married !.

    After learning that our weddings were simpler, offered just a days leave. Lucky that we didnt have overnight weddings. He would have refused leave altogether and I would have had to work during my wedding !.

  20. Hi prabhu,
    came across ur blog today only..
    what a hilarious post?? karpana kadal la moozhgi muthu edhutteL!!! had a hearty laugh!! besh besh romba nanna irundhudhu…
    nobody sits in my cublicle unlike ramya ramani’s case.. so i happily laughed without any inhibition..

    malarum ninaivugal abt my wedding…:)..

    do visit my blogs..

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