Pre requisite: You must be well versed with Tambram (Not Tambaram) wedding customs.
Inspiration for this post –> This post by Krish Ashok 🙂
When you say Robot, people in my age group would remember the DD Serial ‘Giant Robot’. Later we even had a Tamil serial on Robots. Who can forget one finger Krishna rao, posing as a Robot? I am not sure if that serial (Amlu?) was for introducing the concept of Robots to Tamilians, or for introducing the safety measures one has to adhere to whilst handling LPG cylinders. The only thing I remember from that serial is ‘One finger’ dying after eating (?) a LPG cylinder. After that it has been a long wait. I absolutely have no idea when Shankar’s Robot is going to be released, or what it is going to contain, but here are my (Rather Machi group of Companies) plans for the future. For certain things we will use robots, and for certain things there will be special devices.
If you observe, the most important thing in any Tambram festival is the ‘Madi’ factor. But involving many human beings dilutes the madi factor. To avoid that, we are planning to introduce a series of Madi robots to keep the culture and customs intact. Robots don’t wear any clothes, so there is nothing to worry about their Madiness. Secondly, Robots don’t eat food and there is no ‘Paththu’ factor.
Panneer Robot (This Robot will sing the Gowri Kalyana vaibogame song)
Silk sari might look good on women, but they definitely don’t smell good. Imagine around 100 silk saree clad women, that too in Chennai. Panneer Robot will target women and spray extra panneer on them. And it will not be just one time. They will have wheels, and as a result they are mobile. They will monitor the wedding hall and once in 30 minutes all ladies will be subject to panneer abhishekam.
Kasi Yathrai Scooter (This scooter will sing the paalale kaal alambi song)
Invariably most of the wedding halls are in main roads, and the dust bins are quite close to the main entrance. As a result lots of stray dogs roam freely near the wedding hall entrance. They are not distinctly visible, but a pair of observant eyes cannot miss them. Not many people realize the potential risk, the bridegroom is subject to when he walks half naked with an umbrella in hand. Actually you will rarely find bridegrooms laughing or smiling during Kasi Yathrai. Poor guy would have worn the panchakachcham just sometime back and his thought process will be like ‘Oh no. I hope it doesn’t fall down now’, ‘Why are people from the bus staring at me?’ etc. If you add the stray dog risk, then the poor guy will run away from the wedding hall or rather refuse for kasi yathrai. To avoid all this and also to make the guy smile, we plan to introduce a KY Scooter (No, not KR Vijaya Scooter). This Scooter will look like a wheelchair and will run in circles. All the guy needs to do is sit on it. The maapiLLai thozhan can stand behind like a dog sledge driver, hold the umbrella (There is an umbrella stand too) and operate it. So all the bride groom needs to do is smile, and he has additional advantage of lifting his legs if the stray dogs come closer. Last but not the least, this scooter will also have a leg washer (made in silk) attached. The bride’s dad can pour milk in the washer and operate the ‘milk aale kaal alambi silk aale leg thudaiththu’ routine. Sometimes people don’t check how warm the milk is before pouring it on the bridegroom’s leg. The KY scooter will have a temperature control in it so that there are no untoward incidents.
Maalai Maathinal Seesaw (This seesaw will sing the maalai maatRinaaL kodhai maalai maatRinaaL song, followed by the manmathanukku maalayittaaye song)
The bride will be placed on one end of the seesaw and bridegroom on other hand. To keep the tradition intact, it can be operated on either side by the uncles of the bride and groom. In this way we eliminate the risk of a poor 50+ year old man lifting the bride or groom. What if he drops them? Or by mistake messes their attire? The seesaw machine will be preprogrammed in a way that the bride eventually wins.
Kannoonjal Robot (This robot will sing the Kannoonjal aadi irundhaaL kanchanamalai song)
Oonjal ceremony is a risk for everyone who watches it. They have to keep a close watch on which direction the maamis hand is moving. Or else, before they release the rice ball will fall on their shirt/saree/head depending on the maami’s horse power. And there are chances of maamis getting upset with the order of ‘who throws first?’ sequence. To avoid all this, we have the Kannoonjal robot. It will have 60+ handles. All the maamis will have to do is just hold the handles, simulatenously. When the SasthrigaL presses the start button, the robot will throw color rice balls in different directions after the three-time-clockwise-rotation thing. At this time another robot will catch this color rice ball. The kids will be fascinated by this, and will not bother squeezing the bride and groom on the oonjal.
..to be continued with items like elbow stand, madisar maker, naan-yaar-theriyaradha-protector,aarathiyer(Not Aarthi Iyer) etc in a separate post.