Super director from Bollywood, Mr Karan Johar has decided to make a tamil movie. Machi TV will be his media partner, and here we provide some glimpses of the movie. For the first time in history of Tamil cinema, we will provide updates on the movie, even before the star cast is finalised, and story is discussed. But the big news is that Cheran has agreed to be the assistant director for the movie. How did this happen?
Mr Karan meets Cheran with a coffee.
Coffee with Cheran
Karan: Hi Cheran. Good Morning. Nice to meet you.
Cheran: Good Morning. How come you wanted to meet me, when there are so many big names in Tamil Cine industry?
Karan: Only you can compete with me in making a 3.5 hr movie. And invariably we both are experts in making audience cry. So I thought I will discuss with you the fine points of making a tamil movie.
Cheran: Aah. Ok. Who is producing the movie?
Karan: I will do that. Dont worry about the money. BTW, I want movie name to start with K. And it should be a tamil name
Cheran: Hmmm. How about ‘Kuchi Kuchi Udachaaga’? It means ‘Stick stick they broke’
Karan: Wow. Sounds really close to my favorite movie ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’. Ok. But the meaning is not that good. Any other name?
Cheran: How about ‘Pasu maatuku vakkol vachaacha?’ It means have you kept the fodder for the cow?
Cheran: Rest room is that side. You go.
Karan: Huh? No. I didn’t mean pee. I meant the movie name should start with K and not with P.
Cheran: oh that way. How about Kanji Kanji kudipaaLa aval? Will she drink cereal?
Karan: Hmmm. Sounds interesting. Now my target is this. Movie should have songs, family sentiment, romance and if possible infidelity as well. I have some formulas for Hindi movies. Is there any such formula in Tamil movies? My intention is to make the audience cry.
Cheran: Ok. There is a very thin line between making Tamil audience cry and laugh. If you overdo it a little bit, it will become a comedy scene. For instance, in Chandramukhi movie actor Prabhu tried to make the audience cry by saying a dialogue ‘Enna kodumai Saravanan idhu’ which means ‘Saravanan, what a tough situation?’ but that ended up being the funniest line ever in Tamil Cinema.
Karan: Oh oh oh. Is it tough then?
Cheran: Dont worry. There is a strategy for it. For instance lets assume our hero goes to his office. And there is an audit that day. Normally people will take shots like a car hitting him and he getting into a hospital etc. Thats boring. Instead, we can make the hero go by bicycle to the bus stand. In the middle, his tyre should get punctured and chain gets cut. After that, when he is on the bus a young fat kid should stand on this guys leg. And the govt office employee standing next to him, will give him tiffin box soodu
Karan: What is tiffin box soodu?
Cheran: Tiffin Box soodu is the thing that every one who travels by MTC in Chennai would relate to. School kids and government office employees carry their lunch in a stainless steel tiffin box. So when one touches the bag by mistake, they get this soodu(Burn). Almost everyone would have been on the receiving end.
Karan: Lovely. I like to make movies that strikes a chord with the audience. Ok. Now how will this scene make the audience cry?
Cheran: Thats where positioning comes to play. Since its a three hour movie, the interval would be after 1.5 hours or so. By this time, people would be on the edge of their seats wanting to visit the restroom. So if you torture them further by making them remember of tiffin box soodu, they will surely cry. And definitely no human being can laugh when their bladder is full. So the chances of it becoming a comedy scene is also less.
Karan: Very good. Ok. I want to have a song in foreign local. But I don’t want to go abroad just for a song like other directors. There should be some story in abroad as well.
Cheran: Since you wanted sentiment, lets club it into a sentimental song. Heroine will be from chennai, but working temporarily in Switzerland. She will call hero from there, and her voice will be shivering, since its cold. Hero will take sweater from India and reach Switzerland. Heroine will be very happy. They will sing duet, where Hero will make kanji and ask her to drink since its good for the cold. But heroine will refuse saying that, she wants Cognac or Rum.
Karan: Oh wonderful. We can take the latter part of the song in a nice bar
Cheran: No. Wait. According to Tamil Culture only a man can drink. Women should drink Kanji only. Otherwise the cultural police will make life miserable for us
Karan: Oh ok. Now where does infidelity come into picture?
Cheran: At the end of the song, heroine will faint. After a visit to the doctor, they will find that she is pregnant. But its not because of our hero.
Karan: Now thats interesting.
Cheran: Hero will get irritated and get back to India. With this the first half ends
Karan: Ok. Now we are half way through. I see good scope for sentiments in second half
Cheran: Yeah. Anyways, we need to end the story right? Hero and Heroines common friend will meet the hero in chennai and ask him ‘What sir, have you learnt car driving now?’. Hero will be stunned and say ‘I dont have money to buy a 2 wheeler. Why car?’. The friend will say ‘Oh you dont know. heroine is in switzerland now, only to save money for you’
Cheran: Yes. We can show the reason for Heroines pregnancy like this. She will be contacted by a couple in Swiss, who want her to be the surrogate mother of their baby. They want theTesttube baby. This is because the lady is too old, and she cannot conceive and they dont have kids. And in return heroine will be given 4 lakh rupees. Using this money she wanted to buy a Tata indicab and gift it to the hero, so that he can be a city taxi driver and make a living.
Karan: Wow. So innovative, and am sure it will make the audience cry. Very good. I liked it
Actually, we do not know what happened after this as the Machi TV crew ran away from Karan and Cheran as they could not bear the torture!