Dear NN,

I will be traveling abroad shortly, for an onsite assignment. I have heard lots of stories about flight journeys, which make me bit worried. I tend to get bored soon, and am not very good at judging people. What am worried is about getting into a conversation with morons. If I get to know if the person sitting next to me is a moron, I would not talk to that person and maintain a dignified silence all through the journey or pretend to be asleep. Please help me by giving some tips on how to find if the person is a moron.
-Aero.Smith, Indira Nagar, Bengalooru

Dear Aero Smith,

I understand your plight, since I have been in the same position quite a few times. It is actually quite simple to find if the co passenger is a moron. Here are somethings which only morons do. So, keep looking for these symptoms.
*At the boarding gate, Airline companies generally make a pre boarding announcement. That will be atleast 15 minutes before the actual boarding begins. If someone gets up from the waiting area during the preboarding announcement and gets into a line, you know that person is a moron. Infact all morons get into a line the moment when there is a preboarding announcement.
*Airline companies try to board the passengers in a sequence. But irrespective of the sequence no, the morons will try to get into the flight as soon as possible and rush towards the boarding counter. Whereas, normal human beings look at the boarding gate and get back to their book or music player etc till the crowd clears.
*By the time you approach your seat, if the people already seated there ask you ‘Is this your set?’ you can be rest assured they are morons.
*If the person next to you says any of these things ‘So, where are you going?’ or ‘Are you going to Bangalore? (Where else will be a direct flight from Frankfurt to Bangalore go?) it is a moron.
*If a person is still talking on a cellphone within the flight with earth shattering statements like ‘Ok. I am inside the flight now. Take care. Bye’ then that person is a moron.
*Some morons, get up from their seat even before the flight departs and try to loosen their trousers(in public) and do some acrobatic exercises like vijayakanth. And worse, smile at you while stretching!’
*There are few nutcases who ask for drinks, even before the flight departs. And the funny thing is, they ask for sprite!
*If someone hits your elbow thrice in the first fifteen minutes of the flight, keep away from them.
Finally, a normal person will have their book, music player etc to entertain themselves. And they will try to sleep for the reminder of the journey. Unless there is some emergency or some need(Like you stamping on their leg, or if you are leaning on their shoulder) they will not try to talk.