One of those days, you happen to watch something on television which you cant tell outside. Wait. Dont assume something. I was referring to this movie panchaliya kadichi or something like that. Due to frequent power cuts, couldnt watch the movie completely. But then didnt miss anything. So, here we are. A ready reckoner for village subject movies.

Lets split the movie to 3 parts, assuming duration of each part is for 45 mins. Remaining part is for fight scenes, title, interval, crying etc. And since south indians eat lots of spice, and variety is the spice of life, let me provide lots of variety.

Before we get into the movie plot, there are some basic assumptions. Vijayakumar must act in the movie. Village subject without vijayakumar is like T Rajendar without beard. And the hero must be called by his parents as ‘Ennai petha raasa’ and heroine as ‘Ennai petha thaayee’. There must be one thiruvizha song, where fat ugly half naked men smear sandhanam on their body and dance. They must be ably accompanied by manjakaatu mainas in green, blue and red color half sarees. And padhinettu(18) patti must be used frequently in the dialogues. E.g. Eley. Indha padhinettu pattilayum evanum jettiye poattadhu illaida. Ellam pattaapatti underwear dhaan.

Part1:
This is the opening sequence.

Option 1: Are you a flashback movie buff? If yes, then in the opening scene, the hero must return from a jail. And Vijayakumar must have died sometime back. Some small kid in the village, must have the same name. So when one lady calls out the kid by his name, hero must also turn around. And flashback starts.

Option 2: Panchayat scene. Vijayakumar is the Naatamai. Villain. Either stole something, abused a women or some unpardonable crime. And vijayakumar must say a punch dialogue and punish the villain. E.g ‘Dei. Indha oorula irukkara seval kooda, edhirla oru kanni poNNu vandha odhungi pogum da. appadi patta maNNula porandhuttu 60 vayasu kezhaviya paathu nee mudhal mariyadhai radha madhiri irukke appadinu eve tease panriye daa’

Option 3: Hero/Heroine returns from a city. Either on vacation or for good. If the heroine is returning, then she must be vijayakumar’s daughter. If it is the hero, then he must be the son of vijayakumars pangaaLi. Vijayakumar and his pangaLi must have fought over some issue. Like paNgaLi must have changed the channel, when vijayakumar had gone to the rest room. And vijayakumar must retaliate with yet another punch dialogue ‘Advertisement break la channel maathara unakkum enakkum innile irundhu uRavu aRundhu poachu daa’.

Part2:
In this sequence, hero and heroine get to know each other, and fall in love. And time for some comedy scenes.

Option 1:
Heroine takes bath in the lake. Whats a village movie without a lake scene? Either a monkey takes away her clothes, or her friends take away her clothes. Hero will give away his veshti to safeguard her. Time for punch dialogue ‘Thayee. Idhu kaLavaNi paya ooru. Jaagaradhay kuLi. pasanga MMS eduthu anuppiduvaanungo’. And comedian will make fun of hero, not wearing veshti. Hero will drag the comedians lungi and cover himself. Heroine will get fever since she was in water for long time. And at night, she will dream about hero and sing ‘Nee enakku kodukira marundhum inikkumayya, nee kodukalainna jangiri kooda kasakumayya’.

Option 2:
Heroines friend will be having a dosai kadai in the village. Heroine will go there to eat dosai. Villain and friends will come there. Look at heroines face and say ‘Maamu. Dosai kalloda paapa sooda irukku’. Heroine will try to look angry and say ‘chee. vekkama illai. un veetla irukkara un akka thangachi kku dosai vaaka theriyaadha?’. Villain gets provoked, and tries to molest the heroine. Hero enters. Saves heroine. Heroine dreams of hero and songs ‘Aduppu kaaigiradhu, maavu irukkiradhu yaarum dosai vaarkavillaye’.

Option 3:
Hero will be playing gilli with his friends. By mistake, the gilli will poke the eye of one of the villager. The villager will have a daughter. And who will marry the daughter now, since the villager cannot go to work. His family is in ruins. So the hero marries her and they sing ‘naan adichadho oru gilli, vizhundhadhu unnidam dhaan kaLLi, naama onnu sera paadudhu palli’ la la la

Part 3:
Climax.

Option 1:
There will be a second or third heroine. When the entire village gets together to witness a kabaddi match or something, she will start puking. Kovil poosari will testify that he saw hero and this second or third heroine together many times. Listening to this, vijayakumar will get angry and slap the hero. Then he(vijayakumar) will collapse on the floor. At night time, vijayakumar will cry ‘avan mudhugula oru kosu vandhu ukkandha kooda naan adha adichadhulla. odomos thadavi viduven. appadi pattavana inniku adichitene.’ 100 violin in background and vijayakumar will die. Actually, the second or third heroine would have had an affair with the villain’s brother. Heroine will be distraught and sing ‘Naan unnai en nenjule vachen, aana un puLLaya nee ava vayathula vache’. After few days poosari will fall ill and he will cry ‘aatha ennai thandichitaa’ and blurt out the truth. Then all ends well. Hero and heroine will pray in front of vijayakumar photo.

Option 2:
In heroes comb, there will be a long hair. Similar to that of a womans long koondhal. Immediately heroine will suspect hero. Hero wont open his mouth and insist he is sincere. Heroine wont accept and will stay away from him. Hero will drink and sing looking at a street dog ‘manushanga thalai mudi neeLama irukkalaam thaayee, aana pathini naaku neeLama irukkalaama naaye?’. The dog will run away and start barking at an old house away from the village. It will gather all the dogs in the village, and there will be non stop barking. Finally, a guy with long hair will come out of the house. He will turn out to be pangali’s brother. And since he would have seen something the villain did, he would be locked inside the house for some 15 years or so. And hence long hairs, and paen(lice) thollai. Our hero, every night will go to the house apply oil on this guys head, and comb his hair. Thats how the long hair would have stuck on the heroes comb. Heroine will realise her mistake, villain will cry looking at heroes good heart. And all ends well.

Option 3:
Villain takes over the local theatre. And they play only adult movies. SJ Surya makes a guest appearance and opens the theatre. Vijayakumar gets really angry and objects. Hero secretly changes the matter film reel to kandha karuNai. Audience and villain are shocked when they see KR Vijaya on screen, instead of shakeela. Immediately fight erupts. All the villagers fold their dhoti and jump from left to right, whilst the camera maintains its focus on pattapatti underwear. The fight continues for over 15 minutes. Heroine and other women enter the movie hall just to scream ‘aiyo avara vittudunga’, and also for being the soft targets. Vijayakumar enters the scene, and after 10 minutes gets stabbed in the back. He takes that knife out, and kills around 27 people, talks to around 50 people and utter punch dialogues like ‘Namma jaadhi kavarimaan jaadhi. sandai podache oruthan en vettiya uruvitaan. villain ennai kolai pannaati naane ennai tharkolai pannitu iruppen. Namma maNNoda vetti selaya nee dhaanya kaapathanum’. After saying this he will call a 1 year old nude kid. Vijayakumar will tear open his shirt, cover the nude kid and then die.