Prabhu n Ferrari

Last week after lunch, I was going towards the ATM for withdrawing some cash. At the door step, I was stopped by a representative. I got highly irritated. I was thinking that guy to be a credit card/personal loan/car loan/ home loan guy. I was about to scream at him, when he handed me this pamphlet. He literally begged me to read it. I went through the first few lines, and I could’nt stop myself reading the entire article.

I have taken the pain of typing , what was there in that pamphlet. Just check it out.

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Dear Customer,

These days many a bachelors face these problems.

1. He doesnt have a girl friend.
2. Even if he does, he is not able to manage with his expenses.

To overcome this UCMEICU Bank is coming up with a new scheme.

This scheme is mainly targetted at bachelors who are software engineers.

UCMEICU is launching a new portal called www.ucme-icu-dadmom-dontc.com for providing dating loans to people like those above mentioned. This portal is launched, keeping in mind the increase in number of bachelors in India, who are UCMEICU customers and software engineers as well.

UCMEICU Bank Date Loans:
UCMEICU Bank Date Loans offers you not only among the best dates, but also numerous other benefits like simplified processing, doorstep pick up of dates, assistance in identifying a suitable partner through our unique ‘Date Search’ facility and much more. All you need to do is let us know that you are interested, UCMEICU’S counselors will visit you and guide you through the entire process after understanding your needs! The process is as follows.

UCMEICU is a company, which believes in quality in everything it does. So, in order to get the dream girl a person should follow quality religiously in his life. To make things simpler for aspiring daters, a set of processes
called as “Dating Process” has been prepared.

In general the people who want to date fall into the following categories. Trainee Daters, Associate Daters and Daters. Everyone will be allotted a tormentor who will take care of their needs during the Dating Period.
Trainee daters are freshers with no experience, Associate Daters are people who are dating for a period of less than 3 months with a single person and Daters are people who are dating with same person for more than three
months. Persons who have switched the dating partners in the middle are called as flirters. Flirters are not eligible to try for any girl.

A person is allowed to carry forward existing dating partner and they will be considered as Associate Daters.

The processes for Trainees are as follows. The Trainees will be attending an orientation program for a period of three months. The Training program will contain sessions on “How to date with a JAVA girl?” ”Dating with
Microsoft Girl-Unleashed”, “Maya of Mainframe Madams”, “Loving a Linux Lady” etc. The Trainees should have great self-control. Associate daters are allowed to look at their partner, smile at them. Daters are allowed to wink at them, hold hands only while crossing the road.

Any dater is allowed to take their partner in their bikes, but a distance of at least 5 mm should be maintained in between them. An appraisal will take place at the end of every three months by the tormentor. The inputs
will be taken from the dating partner, but the jurisdiction of declaring a person as “Master Dater” depends on the tormentor.

Once a person becomes a “Master Dater” he can avail a dating loan of 25,000 Paise per day.

This in brief explains the processes. Every person who registers for this course, will be given a special UCMEICU Dating card, which will be accepted at around 5 million outlets all over the world.

You can subscribe to Mobile Dating, wherein UCMEICU will be sending regular SMS and keep you updated of our dates whereabouts.

For every rupee a person spends, he will get bonus points. These bonus points can be redeemed , when they are launching a new portal for married guys www.stay-awake-wife-shopping.com. UCMEICU certified Master-Daters will have their registration fee waived off.

Unbelievable isnt it. Register soon and avail of the early bird offer. If you have any doubts or queries please dont hesitate to mail at masterdater@ucmeicu.com or helpdesk@ucmeicu.com.

Thanks and Regards,
Dating Advisor,
UCMEICU Bank
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I was thinking about this as some sort of prank. I mentioned about this to my friend. Since his office was near to the main branch of the bank, he went over there last week. And it turned out to be true. He will be meeting
his date today. Lucky chap.

Moral of the story is, please do not throw away the leaflets, pamphlets you get, without reading. You might miss out something.

He and She are in same office. There is a cultural program coming up pretty soon. She is planning to sing a song with some girls. She calls He

She: Hello
He: Hi
She: Busy aa irukkiya?
He: no no. Tell me
She: We are planning to sing this song ‘Hey paatukku paatukku something’ from anjali for the culturals
He: Super song. Good choice
She: Ya. But I don’t have the mp3 with me. Do you have it?
He: Illai. But you can download from coolgoose
She: hey! In my network, I cant download any song
He: Oh don’t worry
(After a while)
She calls he again
She: Hi
He: Paatu kedachudha?
She: ya ya. Konjam cafeteria variya?
He: oh sure.
He goes to the rest room, combs his hair, washes his face and rushes to the cafeteria. He sees She and her friends, sitting with a mp3 player
He: Hey hi! You girls gonna sing?
She: Ya ya. By the way did you listen to this song?
He: Huh? Evlo vaati kaettu irukken. Semma paatu. Good choice from you people
She: Konjam KaeLen?
He: Why not?
He puts on the earphone and listens
Paatukku paata hey something
Maatukku maata hey something something
Manushikku manushi hey something something
Manasikku manasu something somethingHe: he he. Paatu telungula irukku
She and her friends burst out laughing
He: Err. Actually I searched for this song. Never knew same song was there in telugu too
She is still laughing
He: Why don’t you girls sing in telugu only? It would be more funny
She: !!!!!!!!!

This is a nice ad. Rather, pretty neat. Whoever conceptualized this did think a lot. Are you getting what I am saying?

One more terror attack in delhi. This time at a mosque. How many more lives should be lost? And all leaders have started telling please be calm. After a while like accident reports, terror reports will be featured in media. No appeal nothing. As long as it does not happen to them no one cares. Hmmm

In some news channel some one was referring to a politician as Right man in the wrong party. This reminded me of what Cho says. ‘If he is the right man how will he be in the wrong party ?’. True !

They never fails to amaze me. Not just them, the entire media has gone crazy over Salman Khan getting jailed. Worse, they are looking at 400 crore loss for cine industry, and celebrities getting targeted crap!

Fine! As always Machi TV, the futuristic TV comes up with some flash news

Headline: Bring the Tiger to court
A group of intellectual bloggers and journalists, have formed a movement ‘Bring Tiger to Court’. When asked they said ‘Salman killed only 10 deers in his entire life time. Whereas a tiger kills one deer per day. When that is the case, none of the people have arrested any tiger, or for that matter even a jackal. In what way animals are superior than Salman Khan?’. The group was seen agitating in front of Corbett wildlife sanctuary. But the moment they heard a tiger growl, they ran for safety!

Headline: Salman creates a furore
Due to the hot summer, Salman Khan felt very thirsty. He asked the jail superintendent for Ice. But some jail inmates overheard this as Aish. Immediately it raised a furore. Other prisoners started demanding for Mallika Sherawat, Kareena Kapoor etc. Mr Sharma a senior prisoner in the Jodhpur jail, serving a life term quipped ‘If Salman who is just a 5 year prisoner can ask for Aish, then being a life term prisoner I have all the rights to ask for Sharon Stone or Nicole Kidman’. Then Salman calmed everyone down by mentioning that he asked for ice and not Aish.

Headline: Salman Khan is a good human being.
Though there are many mosquitoes in the jail, he didn’t ask for good-night, all out or any other mosquito repellant. Instead, he asked for the odomos cream. When asked, Salman’s brother said ‘Right from childhood, Salman doesn’t like harming or injuring other living things. Let it be a mosquito or a dinosaur(?)’. Sad that he is in jail

Headline: Shahrukh to teach Salman on how to take bath
It seems Salman Khan, right from his childhood had the habit of taking bath in the bath tub. He didn’t know how to take bath under the well, or inside a bathroom with help of buckets and mug. Senior Magistrate rejected a special petition from Shahrukh the bathing expert, when he requested to visit the jail everyday for 1 hour to bathe Salman. But a friend in need is a friend in deed. Shahrukh Khan took bath under the well, with help of bucket, mug and rose petals. And the soaps were sponsored by Lux. This was shot on a mobile camera by Katrina Kaif, who promised to show the same to Salman. Not just that. Shahrukh has gifted Salman 35 lux soaps and 10 kgs of rose petals. With the help of this, Salman is learning to take bath without a bathtub

Headline: Salman sprains his ankle
Before the police arrested him, Salman wanted to cut his nails. And he even requested them for the same. Unfortunately they denied and locked him up. Being a cleanly person, Salman bit the nails on his hand. And he failed when he tried peeling off the nails on his toe. So, he tried to bite them too. Unfortunately he developed a sprain on his back. He was taken to another cell, where a masseur was held captive.

Friends,
News is spreading that Dr Rajkumar died of heart attack. Irrespective of whether the news is true or not, there are chances of some tension. Take care while going home!

Update: It is calm in Jayanagar, BTM,Silk Board and Madiwala. Tensions reported at Inner Ring Road, near EGL,Malleswaram, Mekhri Circle, Sanjay Nagar.

In case you are stuck et EGL, and want to go towards Koramangala, avoiding inner ring road, here is the route.
EGL–>Chalaghatta–>(This takes you behind the airport. Do not take Wind Tunnel road)–>Belandur Lake Road–>Outer Ring Road–>Sarjapur Road–>Silk Board

Update at 05.20 PM IST:
Police rushes to inner Ring road and Malleswaram. The protestors are chased away. Traffic restored

Dear Rajdeep Sardesai,

It is Tamilnadu(Thamizhnaadu). Not Tamilnaad. If you cant pronounce it, better refer as TN. How will you feel if someone calls you as Rajd Sard? Idiot!

Now that In case Judas is not a traitor, what will Karunanidhi call Vaiko as?

What do you do, when your bike is out of petrol and you are pushing it towards the pump and you encounter snakes in front of you

If you really want to have a good laugh, check out rediff’s citizen journalism page. Interesting

Someone extremely popular writes a post on chingari, and this guy comes there and asks him to join at Sulekha. Why, so that many more people read his blogs! God!
She says she is leaving the dutch land, and brings to our notice the way the dutch folks maintain their house. This fellow comes and spams there.
Annathe writes about TN elections, and he is spammed.
Ravages comes up with a funny one liner post, and this fellow spams it.
Journo madam writes something interesting on chennai, and is bit by the spam bug.
Ravi writes about mumbai, and this fellow goes there and spams. That too addressing Ravi as Mr Gupta!

This my friends is only the tip of spam berg! I dont know about others, but I am one of the few unlucky people to have received personalised emails from our spammer:-(